


Ebb, goats and a house full of disaster gays

by LlanternGhost



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: (only at the start), Abuse, Agatha is aro/ace, Child Abuse, FTM, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, M/M, Non magic AU, Trans Simon Snow, but vampires are still a thing, gays being gay, i keep forgetting tags sorry, it doesn’t go into that much detail tho, seriously can someone give me a crash course or something, they all have YouTube channels, we all hate the mage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24472891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlanternGhost/pseuds/LlanternGhost
Summary: Baz was disownedSimon needed to hideAgatha ran awayPenny was sick of familyEbb has a house.This will not be finished. (And if it somehow does get finished, it will not be for a while)
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 37
Kudos: 91





	1. Ebb

It started with Natasha, as all things seemed to do back then.

It was a dream of hers. One day, she’d open up a home, for lost kids, scared kids. They’d do it together, she said. Ebbs family was rich (not like pitch-rich but they had a fair amount of money). There was an old abandoned mansion they could use, and they could make music on the side. Nico and Fiona were on board with the idea too. 

But it was just a dream. Because Natasha had priorities. She was of an old family, and if Fiona didn’t marry for political alliance (which she definitely would not) that job would fall to Natasha. The noble house of Pitch needed an heir.   
So Natasha put the dream aside. She married rich (though Ebb always hated the Grimms), made sure her family stayed in power in that invisible tug of war in upper class London (which Ebb was secretly glad of, she may of hated the Grimms but there was something distinctly wrong with that ‘Mage’ guy and the Wellbeloves- well they were simply ridiculous) and carried a child (an annoying thing, but Ebb didn’t really like babies in general)

But all this took time. A lot of time. Ebb, Fiona and Nico moved on, dreams forgotten. They started a band- Ebb and the goats- that quickly became sort of popular (not really), and slowly but surely Natasha Pitch slipped out of their lives.

  
And then she was gone.

  
When she heard the news, it didn’t quite register. Natasha couldn’t be gone.   
She had seemed so invincible, so eternal. And she was gone.   
Fiona and Nico were both silent all day. The three of them were an awkward mess of grief and not-quite-eye-contact, that is until, in the evening when Fiona suddenly slammed her hands down on the table, exclaiming: “the house!”

Ebb and Nico looked at her, befuddled.

“The house for lost kids! She never got to make her dream a reality, it would be disrespectful not to even try!”

Ebb looked Fiona straight in the eye for the first time that day, a newfound resolution in her gaze.

And so the project began. Fortunately , the old mansion they had originally planned use was still abandoned. Unfortunately, the old mansion they had originally planned to use was still abandoned.

It was a huge place, all of it old and overgrown, dangerously rotten in places, but after 3 whole years of hard work and far too much money, they had renovated the entire house and gardens, creating a new modern kitchen and living room and separated the 10 upstairs rooms into dorms (though there was much more space if need be) and the house was done.  
So they sent out ads  
And no one came.

Which of course, made sense. It was in the middle of nowhere (literally, the closest town was three miles away) it was in Whales (no one likes that many sheep, and everyone they knew lived in London) and it was run by three mad people who whose main source of income was their actually quite terrible punk rock band (Fiona was the only talented one, must have been the Pitch blood)

And so the house remained empty, aside from the aforementioned mad people.

That is, until fifteen years later when, out of the blue, a disheveled Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch turned up on their doorstep, carrying a violin case and wearing what seemed to be half the country side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short it’s more just exposition, later chapters will probably be longer  
> Thank you so much for reading this!!


	2. Baz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised I have like, three or four chapters already written, so I might as well post them, after this posting will probably be slower tho, anyways, I hope you enjoy!

  
**Daphne** : basil

 **Daphne** : Basilton come back

 **Daphne** : You don’t have to live that life

 **Daphne** : Make the right choice

 **Daphne** : Please

 **Daphne** : Your father will gladly have you back if you’d just marry a nice rich girl

 **Daphne** : What about that wellbelove girl?

 **Daphne** : She seemed nice

 **Daphne** : Basilton you can’t survive on your own

 **Daphne** : You don’t have any money

 **Daphne** : You rushed out so quickly!

 **Daphne** : You only have your violin!

 **Daphne** : Make the right choice

Baz turned his phone off, leaning his head against the cool glass of the train window. He didn’t need to deal with that bullshit right now.

Daphne meant well, he knew, but she was an idiot. She thought the choice was choosing between gay or straight. She didn’t realise she was asking him to live a life of lies, and pretending. His entire coming out had been a disaster. It had started as a slightly passive aggressive conversation with his father about arranged marriage, then evolved into a screaming match and ended with his disownment, and all in front of that Wellbelove girl ( Amelia? Aline? Something along those lines). He hadn’t been thinking straight- heh, straight- when he rushed out, he just grabbed his phone and his violin and got the fuck out of there. However, walking down the street, rain drizzling down his back- what poetic pathetic fallacy- the fear began to set in. He was alone, with no money and no friends. The anxiety rose within him like water, filling his lungs, choking him, whilst all around him indifferent strangers hurried by, seeing only his bored mask. _oh stop being such a drama queen and calm the fuck down, think about the logically,_ whispered a voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Fiona. The it hit him. _Fiona_. Granted, he hadn’t seen her for years but surely she’d take pity on him. She hated his father! And last time he’d seen her she’d been going on about this house for lost children, and that’s exactly what he was, right? A lost child!

Half an hour of scanning the internet later, he was able to find an address somewhere in Wales (but seriously though, Wales? And who names a house for lost children _Ebb and the goats_ , that sounds more like the name of a crappy band)

And so, after a bit of thievery (he really should have thought to bring money) he was on a train hurtling towards Wales. It was a fairly small train, with only a few carriages, and he couldn’t see a single other person from his seat, since apparently Ebb and the goats was in the middle of fucking nowhere. (Why the goats though? There better not be actual goats. Oh god what if there is actually goats? They eat everything don’t they? Baz clutched his violin case protectively against his chest)

He sighed, leaning against the cool glass of the train window, watching the farmland blur past him. His long black hair was still wet from that awful London drizzle, the inky tendrils curling around his collar, dripping slightly onto the clean white of his shirt. His skin was pale, not attractively so, more like someone had sucked out all the colour, making him look permanently ill and his grey eyes held a troubled storm.

He took his phone out again, switching it on. Ignoring Daphne’s messages, he clicked on YouTube.

 **Pitchblackthevampire** : hey guys, won’t be posting for a while, something came up irl

Baz had been posting to YouTube for about three years now and had become actually very popular as the mysterious violinist who never showed his face. He didn’t actually watch that much youtube himself however and only followed two other channels. He had started watching the cosplayer TrixiethePixie around about the time he had gotten into the Yuri on ice fandom, and she had a roommate who always made hilariously sarcastic comments in the background. Later he found she had a rant channel with a heavy focus on feminism and LGBTQ+ themes, and he _had_ to follow her.

She had just uploaded, he noticed with a smile, and clicked on it through sleep blurred eyes. She immediately launched into a rant about the ‘rampant homophobia in the ballet community’. Soon however, felt himself slipping into darkness, lulled by the jolting of the train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment it would make me really really happy 😊 (Constructive criticism is welcome, I am by no means a good writer)


	3. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter has a brief description of abuse if that is triggering for you please do not read it, mental health is really really important and should not be taken lightly, I’ll put a brief summary at the end if you don’t read it.

**TW: read the note at the top**

The mage kicked him again, and he practically fell into the basement.

when he was younger he had cried when it happened, he had thought the mage was bad. But now he knew better. The mage was just teaching him. The world was cruel and he needed to be prepared.

Now, though, he couldn’t think rationally like that. He could just think _pain_. The nausea overtook him and he tumbled to the ground, head throbbing. As he did so, his phone clattered out onto the cold basement floor. He stared at it with dull eyes, and he could hear Penny’s voice, even though she was long gone- the mage didn’t allow him friends- _‘Simon are you ok? What’s wrong? You can talk to me’_

She was right. He needed to talk- to someone, anyone.

he reached for his phone, vision blurring. It lit up the dark room, and the throbbing of his head worsened, blood rushing up to his skull. He tapped in random numbers, hoping _desperately_ someone would answer.

his brain was too foggy and disoriented for proper sentences , so he settled instead for simple words.

 **you:** help

 **you:** dark ****

 **you:** scared

 **you:** hurts

 **you:** help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief summary: Simon is being abused by the mage, gets locked in the basement, texts a random number for help - thank you for reading!


	4. Baz

When Baz woke up an hour later his phone was playing a video of a blonde girl dancing, wall length mirror imitating her every graceful move. A few moments later it cut to the same girl sitting cross-legged in front of the camera, still wearing pastel pink leggings with a translucent white tank top, pink sports bra beneath it. There was an aro flag hanging on the wall behind her and Baz suddenly realised he had met before. She was the Wellbelove girl- no wonder she had looked so uncomfortable at that dinner. Curios, he clicked on her channel. It was mostly makeup tutorials and some dancing. He smiled before clicking subscribe.

He was about to switch his phone off again when he noticed a string of texts from an unknown number. Usually Baz would’ve ignored such a thing, but one word caught his eye- _help_ \- frowning, he clicked on it to see the full texts

 **Unknown** :help

 **Unknown** :scared 

**Unknown** :dark

 **Unknown** :hurts

 **Unknown** :help

He hesitated.

 **You** : are you ok?

The reply was immediate 

**Unknown** : no

 **You** : did you get the right number because you’re not in my contacts?

 **Unknown** : yes

 **Unknown** : you don’t know mw

 **Unknown** : thas good

 **You** : why did you text me then

 **You** : I have no idea who you are, I fail to see how I can help

 **Unknown** : nned to talk

 **Unknown** : hurts

 **Unknown** : dsitract?

Baz couldn’t fathom why, but something within him was _screaming_ to help this poor, scared stranger, and, really, it couldn’t do any harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said the chapters would be longer, but apparently I’m just really bad at writing long chapters


	5. Penny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon-bold  
> Baz-italics
> 
> Because I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to write their names before each text

Viciously slamming the door, Penny stormed into her room, groaning. The noise was drilling into her skull, her headache growing worse by the second. Why the fuck did her parents have to have so many children! She almost missed rooming with Trixie the goddamn pixie (because yes, pixies are real, and don’t hide that they’re real and humans are apparently really idiotic and have not noticed the _mythical creatures_ casually living alongside them). At least Trixie was only one person. She was eighteen for god’s sake, she could find somewhere to live very very far away from her fucking family. (She didn’t really hate them. Mostly. Except Premal. Fuck Premal. You could have chosen to be an actor under _any_ other director but you chose _the mage_. Seriously wtf Premal.)

She was still sort of friends with Trixie. They did collabs sometimes. Maybe she could help her find a place to live? Maybe

_What’s your favourite colour?_

**Blue**

_Why?_

**It’s so calm. Like the sky. I’m never calm. I’m always afraid, always just on the verge of exploding.**

**Also Penny dyed her hair blue one year!**

_Whose Penny?_

  
**She was my best friend. Before Davy decided I wasn’t allowed friends.**

_Is Davy why you need help?_

  
**Yes**  
**No**  
**He’s just trying to help. Teach me how bad the world is.**  
**I just-**  
**It hurts**

_No. That’s not right._

_The world can get fucked up sometimes but surviving it doesn’t require being abused by a parental figure (I’m assuming that’s who he is)_

**I deserved the punishment though.**

_No one deserves to be in so much pain they have to text a random stranger for help._

**But he was right! I’m just a silly little girl playing stupid games pretending to be a boy!**

**And it hurts so much, seeing myself in the mirror every day, people saying what amazing girl I am because that’s not me!**

**But Davy’s always right, the sooner you learn that the better.**

**Shit**

**I just said that**

**To a real person**

_**Shit** _

_You're trans?_

  
**???**

  
_You were born in a body that doesn’t match your gender_

  
**That’s a thing? Cos that’s exactly how I feel!**

_Yes! Davys wrong! You are valid and amazing and you don’t deserve this!_

_Only people who are lying have to teach people that they’re always right!_

_You’re not silly and you’re not stupid and you’re not a girl._

_You are whoever you want to be._

  
**Um…**  
**Wow?**  
**That was-**  
**Pretty amazing?**  
**Thank you thank you so much.**  
**I’m crying right now**

_I’m also kinda on a train to whales right now because my Father disowned me for being gay?_

_So I have pretty strong feelings about this._

**Why Wales?**

_It’s where my aunt lives_

  
**Ohhh**

_I just realised we never introduced ourselves properly_

_So hi._

_I’m Baz_

_He/him_

  
**Hi**

**I’m- well I was Lucy after my mother but I guess**

**Simon?**

**Simon snow?**

**He/him**

  
_Why Simon snow?_

**A game I used to play with Penny. She was a witch and I was a sword-wielding hero called Simon snow.**

_Ok then, Simon Snow._

**Ok then, Baz.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baz gave his real name because who would connect Baz with Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch  
> (No one knows him as Baz yet)
> 
> Also is the POV for each chapter name useful or should I come up with something better?
> 
> I just wrote an entire chapter and then accidental deleted it. RIP my sanity.


	6. Fiona

It was raining.

Again.

For the millionth time.  
Because it was Wales. Fuck Wales.

And so with the surrounding land turned to swamp and Ebb busy editing their latest video (a cover of some emo song Nico picked) the only thing left to do was sit around watching glee.

  
And so that’s what Fiona did. For two hours. She was actually at the point of the insanity that she was enjoying it.  
Her and Nico were busy shaking their heads sadly at Emma when the knock came.

A nock on the door. Someone _knocked_. On the _door_. In the middle of _nowhere_. In _Wales_. Rain pouring down like the fucking _Niagara_ _Falls_.

Ebb looked up from her computer in alarm and Nico hit pause on the TV. The three of them shared a hesitant glance and Fiona, as the best equipped to fight evil (she was a pitch, that had to count for something) stood up to investigate. Entering the foyer, another knock reverberated through the house. She opened the door, cold wind and rain blasting into the entryway, and her heart nearly stopped. 

The same knife straight posture. The same arrogant tilt to his head. The same steely eyes. The same inky hair. If it weren’t for the ghostly white skin, the boy standing on her doorstep could have been Natasha’s clone. He was drenched, mud clinging to his body in thick clumps, water flowing down him. His eyes were foggy and disoriented, a plain black violin case clutched in his arms, white fingers clinging to it like a lifeline. 

He opened his mouth, as if about to make a grand speech, but all that came out was a weak, broken,  
“Help.”

Her throat constricting, Fiona wordlessly held the door open.

* * *

* * *

The train screeched to a halt and Baz almost went flying across the carriage. He looked up with groggy eyes, realising that this was his stop. It was tiny. 

A minuscule building and a small dirt path leading away.

Fields.

Trees.

Sheep.

More fields.

More trees.

More sheep.

It was raining. The word ‘raining’ almost felt like an understatement- it was pouring down from the heavens like a vengeful god’s anger, and there seemed to be more water than oxygen. 

And suddenly reality set in. He was in a foreign place, in the middle of nowhere, no people around no guarantee of a place to live no money no possessions no prospects no life no food he was alone so alone he couldn’tbreathehewasdrowningdyinghewasanidiotwhydidheDothiswhydidhecomeallthiswayheshouldhavenevertoldhisfatherheshouldhavetakendapnesofferheshouldturnaroundgobackhiwwouldhedothatitcouldbedaysuntilanothertraincomeswhy-

Instead he started walking. 

The rest was a blur. A blur of rain and mud and shellshocked faces. He could vaguely recall a hot shower somewhere.

  
When he woke up he was in a clean white bed. The room was fairly small. Two beds. Two wardrobes. Two desks. There seemed to be an en-suite bathroom too. He hoped this didn’t mean he had to have a roommate. He didn’t have one yet, at least, the room was definitely not lived in. anxiety was still thrumming through his veins, throbbing in the back of his mind, but it was a little better. For now.

* * *

* * *

_Two weeks later_

You’d be proud of him, Natasha. He’s sarky, and mean, but he’s clever, and his violin playing is like sugar for your ears. He likes to pretend he hates us, kinda like you used too, but I know he appreciates us. He was super jumpy for the first few days, the tiniest little things would tip him over into panic attacks, and he is ridiculously neat as well, the smallest thing out of place freaks him out. He barely ever smiles, in fact the only time I think I’ve ever seen him smile is when he’s texting someone on his phone. When we press for details about this mysterious pen pal he gets really snappy though, but whoever it is makes him happy, so I don’t mind- my bets on secret boyfriend.   
They killed you, didn’t they. The vampires. They all said it was a freak accident but I never quite bought that story, and the fact that Baz is- It’s the only logical explanation. Even though he’s- not human, he’s not a monster. I need you to know that. I need you to understand that. I couldn’t bear the thought of you dying thinking your son is a monster. It’s tearing me up inside, and I bet it’s even worse for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote and edited this entire chapter to calm myself down cos my anxiety was really bad today so this was probably a train wreck sorry (I had already decided Baz was gonna have anxiety and OCD in this story but I don’t think I really got that across in earlier chapters so here you go)


	7. Agatha

_Fear._

_Fear, thrumming through my veins, filling my pounding head which whys and whats and whens and hows_

_With coulds and shoulds and mays._

_I’m trembling, shivering, shaking, I can’t think straight I can’t breathe right but none of them can see none of them are allowed to know-_

_The mage’s smile is cold as he hands me the mask_

_So I smile._

_So I follow his orders._

_I smile_

_And think of Baz-_

_I smile,_

_And think of Baz._

* * *

**Ouija boards say “ages 8+” so you have to be 18 to drink, but you can summon the dead at 8**

_Snow it’s 3am_

* * *

Agatha scrolled through YouTube aimlessly, bored out of her mind. Her parents were furious, going on and on about that Grimm-Pitch boy, and how he should’ve married her- that was two weeks ago! She hated it she hated it she hated it- why couldn’t they just accept she was happy on her own, that she didn’t need to marry to be happy, that she didn’t give a fuck about ‘political alliances’. She just wished she had the guts to run away. She stopped on a video entitled _‘the wii theme but violin’_ by **Pitchblackthevampire.** Half an hour later she found herself listening to an original song by him (or her, or them, that never showed their face) released that afternoon- the quality was distinctly better than his other videos- their was a quick explanation in white font at the end stating that he had borrowed his aunt’s equipment.

* * *

**Do you play an instrument? I play piano!**

_I play violin_

**Wait really! My favourite YouTuber plays violin!**

**(One of the only YouTubers I’m allowed to watch)**

**Their name is Pitchblackthevampire you should definitely check them out!**

_Yeah_

_Sure_

* * *

The song was entitled ‘wayward son’. There was something distinctly defiant about the song, and it had Agatha itching to dance to it, and, after hesitating, she opened up her DMs

**Wellbeloved** : hi, I saw your song ‘Wayward Son’ and I would love to dance to it if that’s ok?

**Pitchblackthevampire** : yeah, that’s completely fine. Your name is a play on your surname, right?

**Wellbeloved** : how did you know that. I’ve _never_ shared my my surname on my YT channel.

**Pitchblackthevampire** : oh thank god I was right. I’m Baz- Basilton Grimm-Pitch

**Wellbeloved** : omg. I’m- so you’re ok?

**Pitchblackthevampire** : yeah, living with my aunt, she has a home up in Wales for ‘lost children’- basically for children who want to run away.

**Wellbeloved** : oh. Sounds cool.

**Pitchblackthevampire** : it is.

And for some reason Agatha felt a sense a longing. No. Not for some reason. She knew exactly why.

She had a friend once. Minty. Her father had caught them kissing. It was nothing. Just two girls confused about sexuality experimenting.

She hadn’t seen Minty since.

She hoped she was doing ok. She hoped she had figured out her sexuality. She hoped it hadn’t hurt her too much.

It took a long time for Agatha to realise she simply didn’t have romantic attraction. It took far longer for her to accept that that was ok. And she didn’t think she would ever be brave enough to tell her family. Because she wasn’t brave, she wasn’t confident- She was the fair maiden, The damsel in distress. And she was _so fucking jealous_ of Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

* * *

**What’s the difference between mint and peppermint?**

_Mint is a plant (a herb to be exact), the things in toothpaste and chewing gum are extracted flavours, different types like peppermint and spearmint are different types of the plant, like there are different types of roses_

**Oh. I thought they were just the same thing but with fancy names?**

_That’s because you’re an idiot Snow_

**Why do you never call me Simon?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More charactersssss yesssss
> 
> I am very high on sleep deprivation


	8. Penny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I go through fazes of being convinced my writing is terrible and never wanting to write again

**What happens if you put metal in the microwave?**

****

_Simon Snow you absolute fucking disaster do not put metal in the microwave_

**But what happens?**

_Don’t_

**Why won’t you tell meeee**

_Because you’ll want to do it more. Now leave me alone I have actual things to do other than talking to an idiot._

**_Wait you have a life?!_ **

* * *

Penny was tired. She was tired of the noise and the shouting and the _people_. Sighing, she flopped down onto her bed, plugging her headphones in, listening to a new song by **Pitchblackthevampire** \- it was called ‘Simon Snow and the mage’s heir’. it had a fantasy-like feel to it, but not a hero’s fanfare- more like the dark moment in a film when the villain seems to have won.

Something was tugging at her mind, just on the tip of her memory, pulling at her, _she should know this_ \- and suddenly she sat bolt upright

_Simon Snow._

_Simon Snow the mage’s son._

Where was he? How did Pitch know him? _What was going on?_

Welp, only one way to find out

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** how do you know Simon Snow

**Pitchblackthevampire:** how do _you_ know Simon Snow?

**Pitchblackthevampire:** wait

**Pitchblackthevampire:** no way

**Pitchblackthevampire:** you’re Simon’s Penny?

**Pitchblackthevampire:** You’re _the_ Penny?

**Pitchblackthevampire:** as in childhood best friend who played fantasy games and died her hair wacky colours and was mercilessly torn away from him?

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** that… sounds like me.

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** who the hell says wacky tho

**Pitchblackthevampire:** fuck you wacky is an underrated word

**Pitchblackthevampire:** and to answer your first question, I know him because he texted a random number in complete despair a few weeks ago. And now we’re friends.

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** omg is he ok

**Pitchblackthevampire:** ok as he’ll ever be with the mage as a father

**Pitchblackthevampire:** but I have a plan to maybe get him out of there soon? I was disowned recently and my aunt has this big house for kids who don’t wanna live at home for whatever reason

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** wait wait wait wait wait. Is anyone allowed to live there?

**Pitchblackthevampire:** yeah, you need a place to live?

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** yessssss

**Pitchblackthevampire:** just to warn you it’s literally in the middle of nowhere

**Pennyforyourthoughts:** even better.

* * *

A week later, a girl showed up at the door with a suitcase and a grin, hair dyed a vivid blue, and Fiona, Ebb and Nicodemus suddenly realised the house wasn’t going to stay empty for long.

* * *

[Penelope made a group chat]

[Penolope named the group chat ‘Saving Simon Snow Squad’]

[Penelope added **Baz** and **Simon Snow** ]

[Baz added **Wellbelove** ]

What is this?

_A group chat, apparently. These are my friends._

You have friends???

why did you add whoever this is

_She’s probably gonna join the goats soon_

The goats??

_When you run away_

How did you know I was planning to run away??? And why would I join goats?

Me, Baz, Baz’s scary aunt and Nicodemus are the goats, aka we live in the middle of nowhere in Wales because we ran away/ got disowned.

Are you offering me a place to live?

_Where else would you go? California?_

**Wait Penny as in Penny Penny?**

Simonnnnnn!!!!!!!!

**Penyyyyyyyyy!!!!!**

This is gonna be a fucking disaster isn’t it

**Yup**

Yup

Why is it called the Saving Simon Snow Squad

Because Simon is an adorable cinnamon roll that needs to be saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The squads all here


	9. Simon

I’m standing in a train station, in the middle of rush hour. There are a few curious glances my way, but mostly people are more focused on getting to wherever they need to go. I don’t know why I’m here, or how I got here, but that doesn’t seem particularly important at the moment. I’m waiting, waiting, for something, someone.

_Baz_.

I feel oddly at peace for having no idea where I am, but I know I don’t have need to worry- because I trust Baz. I love Baz.

* * *

  
  


Simon wakes with a gasp, swallowing the scream that threatens to pour out of him at what he just dreamt- if he wakes up the mage, he’s done for. He sits up, dizzy and nauseous, long, curly bronze hair swing down (he hates it he hates it, feminine and perfect and _wrong)_ sweat trickles down his back as he attempts to process- is it possible to fall in love with someone you’ve never seen, never met, never even heard? Apparently, it is. Does it really matter? He may not know Baz’s face or voice, but he knows more about him than he ever thought you could know about a person. He knows how his anxiety grips him at the worst times, and how he’s always losing hair bands, and how he swears on fictional wizards names, Crowley and Merlin and Morgana, and he knows how he loathes sheep, how he still loves his little sister, how things out of place out of order freak him out, how he loves music and how he’s a total nerd (he quotes Jane Austin un-ironically) and suddenly he has a desperate urge to call him, to hear his voice (he bets its beautiful)

* * *

  
  


It’s three am and Baz hasn’t slept. An idea struck him suddenly, and he knew he couldn’t sleep until it was done. ‘Simon Snow and the mage’s heir’ he reckons he’ll call it, like the title of a fantasy book. And yes, he is writing a song for his crush, and, yes that is so incredibly cliché, and, yes Simon is definitely going to see it because he already _knows_ he watches **pitchblackthevampire** but he can’t help himself- he’s so far gone even _Nicodemus_ has figured it out (the guys an idiot- Fiona may be pretty cool but she has a shit taste in men)(and no, he will never _ever_ admit he thinks she’s cool. She’ll never let him live it down.)

So, that’s why when his phone rings, he picks it up, and answers it, and realises all too late that Simon was the one who called, and has a mini panic attack, all in the space of about three seconds.

“Baz?”

And Crowely, Baz might actually die, because Simons voice is soft and vunrable and scared.

“Are you ok?”

For a few moments all Simon can think of is how beautifull Baz’s voice is. It’s soft, a tired grating overlaying smooth aristocratic vowels. And _shit_ Simon is head over heels.

“I- I wanted to hear your voice”

Baz can’t take it- _he wanted to hear my voice, he called me at three am because he wanted to hear my voice-_ Merlin and Morgana he is far too gay for this shit.

“I didn’t really expect you to answer it is pretty late- shit did I wake you up?”

Simon panics- what the hell was this? No one just calls their friend at three in the morning because they _wanted to hear their voice-_ and Baz probably knows Baz knows he’s just a weirdo who falls for his friend that he’s never even met and he just woke him up in the middle of the night for no fucking reason that’s a really shitty thing to do-

“Nah, I was awake already, playing violin”

And just like that they’re at ease, and the night passes quickly from Mozart to Shakespeare to why it’s illegal to handle salmon suspiciously in the UK.

And if Baz is unusually tired in the morning, no one can mention it, because they all heard the overly emotional violin playing last night, and if Lucy Salisbury can’t concentrate on rehearsals for that big upcoming film and dissolves into shy smiles whenever lost in thought, no one mentions it because she’s _the mage’s_ daughter, and no one questions the mage.

And if Simon can only talk about Baz to Penny (aside from the initial and much needed catch up time) she won’t mention it because Agatha’s receiving the same treatment from Baz.

And later, Simon thinks, of course Baz is **Pitchblackthevampire**. He can’t imagine anyone else making such beautiful music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: handling Salmon suspiciously, is, in fact, illegal in England.
> 
> There is literally no reason for this chapter but I like it, so,,,


	10. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire thing in school and no one questioned me because they all know I’m weird. My brother is also currently reading fan fiction next to me. My teacher is awesome.

_Grab your phone, your Oyster card and any money you can find and run._

**What**

_Grab your phone, your Oyster card and any money you can find and run._

**Your being serious aren’t you**

_Deadly (and it’s you’re)_

**Ok I’ve made it out now what**

_Ok get a bus to Piccadilly Circus_

**Which bus? From where?**

_Google maps and TFL Snow_

**Oh. Right.**

_What do you look like_

**Curly bronze hair, moles everywhere, red dragon wings**

_RED DRAGON WINGS_

**You can’t talk you’re a fucking vampire bro**

_Bro_

**Bro**

_Bro._

_  
*you’re_

* * *

**_ Saving Simon Snow Squad  _ **

_Operation saving the cinnamon roll is underway_

**Why wasn’t I aware of operation saving the cinnamon roll**

Why don’t I have a hot vampire boyfriend to save me

Because you’re aromantic Aggie

Oh yeah

**He’s not my boyfriend?????**

Where are you currently

**On a bus. Nearly there**

_Ok I’m tall, pale, dark hair._

**Ok I’m here bro where are you**

_Bro_

bro

bro

**bro**

Bro can be your always 

_Stfu Wellbelove_

_Wait I think I can see you_

_Red dragon wings right?_

RED DRAGON WINGS

Omg I forgot you didn’t know

_  
_ HOW DO YOU FRGET TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT _RED DRAGON WINGS_

**yee I’m here**

* * *

Simon swallowed, looking around the packed London streets, suddenly all to aware of how disgustingly _feminine_ he was. He was wearing the biggest jumper he had, drawn up over his face to avoid recognition but his hair was still so long, his body to curved and _Baz_ was here. _Baz was here and he see Simon and he’d hate him._

“Snow?”

Simon jumped at the voice behind him, wings twitching involuntarily (and he was trying so hard to keep them still and fake looking as well) the voice was smooth and aristocratic and definitely Baz. Turning slowly, he took in the sight before him- Baz was tall. Like taller than him with perfect posture and swirling grey eyes and the _hair,_ inky black tendrils perfectly framing his face _._ Simon was already hopelessly in love with the guy and the universe just seemed to be laughing at him. How the fuck could someone even _be_ so attractive?  
  


* * *

“Uh, yeah uh… yeah.”

“Eloquent”

“Oh shut up,” Simon replied glaring up at him. So what he was tall and attractive and perfect, Simon already knew he was a sarcastic prick.

“So, we going to Wales or what.”

“No. Not yet- first we’re going shopping”

“What?” Out of all the things Simon had expected him to say this was not it.

And yet, he wasn’t kidding. An hour later, Simon was sitting on a train to Wales with a new haircut and a binder. (And, _god_ , it felt amazing)

* * *

Baz was not panicking. Nope. Definitely not. He definitely wasn’t screaming inside because his (ridiculously attractive) crush was _sitting next to him._ On a _train._ To _Wales._ To _live with him._

No, he was _fine_. First seeing him had been a bit strange- he had forgotten that Simon would look like a girl- and the second shock was that Simon was _Lucy Salisbury **.**_ Like, the mages daughter, famous actor Lucy Salisbury. No wonder he kept nervously looking around like someone might recognise him.

Then he got a change of clothes. And a haircut. And if he was cute before he was mind blowing now- who the fuck has the right to be that pretty. And the _moles_.

Baz definitely wasn’t fantasising kissing every single one of them.

And Simon was asleep. On his shoulder. On a train. To Wales.

Suffice to say, Baz was doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were unaware, Oyster cards are what you use to pay for buses and tubes, and TFL stands for Transport For London.


	11. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I disappeared

_im desperately slashing through the forest, the sword of mages going snicker-snacker through the undergrowth before me, searching, searching- for who? For Baz. Always Baz. Why? Where was he? I wanted to find him because he was plotting, right? Yeah, definitely. Because Baz was evil and plotting and dark and handsome and- nope not going there. Baz and the forest made me angry. Why? Agatha. Of course. I love Agatha. Right? Wrong, that sneering voice in the back of my mind replied. Im not angry because of Agatha. Im angry because of Baz. I’m not angry at Agatha I’m jealous. But Im jealous of Baz. Right? Ugh. This was too much thinking i couldn’t-_

_focus Simon. Baz is plotting. He is the enemy. End. Of. Story._

_Right?_

* * *

When Simon woke up he assumed for a moment that he had dreamed it all. That when he opened his eyes he’d be back at his father’s house, scared and vulnerable. But no. He could feel Baz’s sharp shoulder digging into his cheek and- _holy shit he fell asleep on Baz._ He fell asleep. On a train. To Wales. On his crushes shoulder. 

But this was actually quite nice. And Baz hadn’t seemed to notice he was awake. And he was still kind of foggy from his dream- really weird dream too, but that was something to unpack later. 

he rested against Baz’s shoulder, exhausted, wishing he could just say there forever. Baz was comfortable and it felt so nice to believe, for once, that someone cared. Someone was there for him. Someone could love him. But all too soon it felt, Baz was shaking him awake, and they were leaving the train, and entering a new land of rain and mud and and green and sheep (so many sheep) he dimly registered being introduced to a blonde girl waiting for them at the train station, before they started on the long trudge to the house, mud squelching between their feet, rain pitter-pattering all around, eyes heavily lidded and tired, clinging to Baz. If Simon had been awake enough to register what he was doing, he would have been mortified, but luckily enough his brain was fried, the full wake of his actions crashed down open his head. He blocked it all out, the guilt, the pain, the relief in this half awake pile of goop his brain was reduced too, relying only on Baz (Baz, Baz!) for support. 

When they finally got to the house he was immediately greeted with an armful of ecstatic Penelope (with neon green hair), but smiles soon turned to worry when she took on the state he was in. He dimly made out taller figures ( _the mage, towering, tall, above him_ ) and he flinched away, attaching himself to Baz again, and sat only in silence, clutching Baz’s arm and drinking all the tea offered to him, till finally, _finally,_ he fell willingly into sleep’s merciful talons 

* * *

he dreamed of the mage. Of his sadistic smiles and cruel punishments and whispers of _pretty girl, stupid child, little bitch._ He dreamed of penny, of freedom and smiles and happiness. He dreamed of Baz, of Snow and fire, of kissing him in a burning forest on Christmas Eve.

he dreamed of his mother. Of a kiss to the forehead. Of a sweet whisper of- _Rosebud boy, my rosebud boy._


	12. Chapter 12

Hi! So this fic has been on hiatus for forever, but at this current time I’m doing a lot better mental-health wise (me a year ago would be shocked at my almost good sleep schedule 😄) and I have a lot of free time on my hands, so I’m thinking of rewriting this! I’m a lot better at writing now and I have plenty of ideas of where this story can go, but I’m not entirely happy with how the first chapters are written. 

That being said, a lot of anxiety stems from feeling pressured to update quickly, and as a result I often just don’t update at all (that’s part of the reason this fic went on hiatus in the first place) in addition, I have a lot of things I’m passionate about writing and unless I hyperfixate on something I generally end up with lots of bitty paragraphs from all over different fandoms. In result, updates will probably not come very regularly, but I hope you enjoy what I have planned!


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